Reunion

“What do you need those for?”

I was holding my swimming trunks, and about to add them to my duffel bag. “For going swimming?”

“Why don’t you just put those back in the drawer, I don’t think you’ll need them. I’m not taking mine.” His words were saying one thing, and his eyes another.

“Oh, I see… you’re right. I don’t think I’ll need them.” I returned them to the closet. I smiled to myself, imaging what was coming. “On that topic, I need to grab the sunscreen.”

We’d already loaded our tent and other camping supplies into the back of Bradley’s truck, and were just getting our clothes packed before leaving. I was desperate to get on the road, and leave things behind for a while.

Over the last week, I had started to return to my normal schedule. I’d had a few awkward conversations in town, but for the most part, people hadn’t said anything, and I preferred it that way.

I also took Bradley up on his offer to do more things together. We returned to the store in town and went shopping together on Thursday evening. It was really hard to be there, but I’d pushed through and stayed close to Bradley.

It felt good to get back out there, but even so, the week had been really hard. A camping trip to the lake was just what I needed.

“Hun, you ready to go?” Bradley asked.

“Yep!”

“Okay, let’s hit the road. We have to get set up before the sun goes down.”

In the truck, we rolled down the windows and turned up the music. I held my arm out the window, and let the wind blow through my hair.

It took us about a half an hour to get to the lake, and then we drove around to look for our plot. Bradley had rented us a secluded spot right on the water. We’d been to this lake before, but it had been a few years. As we wove through the trees, I wondered why we hadn’t been before now. I’d needed this more than I thought.

At our plot, Bradley parked the truck, and we got out and started to unload everything. We carried the tent, grill, and our bags over to the clearing.

Instead of starting to set things up, Bradley started to take off his clothes.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“What does it look like? Going for a swim.”

“Oh, we’re doing that now?” I asked, but I’d already started to undo my jeans.

“Yeah, why not?”

“You said we needed to get set up before sunset.”

“Eh, we’ll have time.”

At this, Bradley was out of his clothes, and he ran out onto the pier and jumped in. He reappeared above the water after a moment, and yelled, “Come on! What are you waiting for?”

I realized then that I had frozen in place as I watched Bradley. He was such a sight for sore eyes. I envied his sense of freedom, and tried to copy it as I took off towards the pier.

After I jumped, I realized how far away the water was, and pulled my legs in. After I emerged above the water again, Bradley was laughing.

“Yes! That’s how it’s done!” he yelled.

“What did I do?” I asked as I cleared water from my eyes.

“That splash was massive!”

“Oh, was it?” I laughed. “I didn’t mean to.”

“I’m glad you’re getting out here.”

“Me too.”

We swam towards each other and treaded water looking at each other. We moved closer together and Bradley kissed me. It was wet and messy, and we had a hard time staying above water, but I let it bring me back to life.

This was what life was about. I’d been so fixated on everything that happened, and what people thought, but out here, none of that mattered. I truly felt like myself again for the first time in weeks.

Not only that, but my handsome husband was here with me, and the past couple of weeks had kept us apart from one another. It felt good to be held, and kiss, and have him all to myself.

“Remember when we used to come out here every summer?” Bradley asked.

“Yeah. Why did we ever stop?”

“I don’t know. I guess we just got busy.”

If I was honest with myself, I knew that our relationship had been settling down for a while now. It wasn’t in a bad state, per se, but we had gotten into our routines. I had picked up more work, and Bradley had been promoted. We had lost some of the freedom that we had before.

It was a shame that it had taken this terror to wake us back up, and it felt strange to be grateful for it, but it had brought us back together. I felt closer to Bradley now than I had in a long time, and that was exciting.

After the swim, we got dressed again and set up the tent and assembled the small grill that we brought along. We cooked hamburgers and baked beans over the fire, and I got out a container of cut up fruit from the cooler.

We sat in our camping chairs facing the lake while we ate. It was the best tasting meal that I had had in a long time, or at least that’s how it felt. We talked more about past summers at the lake, and made more plans to return.

After eating, the sun was setting, so we set up a fire. Once it had taken off, we sat down again. It was quiet, as we soaked in the atmosphere. The sunset was reflecting off of the lake in beautiful purples and oranges. I wished that I could freeze time and make the moment last forever.

With the distance from the events of the past few weeks, I reflected on what happened. I could see with greater clarity just how scared I had felt, how emotional it had been. I thought about how I had yelled at Bradley after the cookout, and felt a sense of regret.

I broke the silence. “Hey, I’ve been thinking about our argument last weekend. I’m sorry for yelling at you. I was really scared and didn’t know what to do. I think I was expecting too much from you, I’m sorry I put that burden on you.”

“No. You don’t get to apologize for any of that. I’ve been thinking more about it too, and I needed to hear all of that. I’m sorry that I wasn’t showing up for you.”

This was not the response that I was expecting.

He continued, “I was unprepared for all this. I was so busy trying to figure out what to do, I forgot to ask you what you needed. You’re my ride or die, and I mean that. I’m always here for you, even if I’m mucking it up big time.”

My eyes welled up. “I love you. That’s just what I needed to hear. I’m always here for you too, don’t forget that. I’ve been so lost too, I didn’t even know how to speak up. Well, until the cookout.” I still felt bad about what I said.

“Can you promise to tell me what you need from now on? Just tell me, I’ll do anything.”

I nodded and a smile grew on my face.

“Come here,” Bradley beckoned me over.

I got up and went over to Bradley and we sat on the ground in front of a log. The fire was still burning bright, and the sun was about to set. The air was getting a little cooler, so it was nice to cozy up to Bradley. He put his arm around me and squeezed me close.

I considered how Bradley described several times now how unprepared he was, and I realized how different we are in that way. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been silently, unknowingly preparing for something like this to happen. As much as anyone can prepare. I’ve expected it, at least.

Bradley hasn’t been expecting it. He hasn’t needed to prepare. He’s always been less anxious that I’ve been, and this isn’t any different. He’s much more of a go-with-the-flow kind of person. It’s one of the reasons why I fell in love with him. He balanced me out, held the floor up, helped me to stay calm.

I can see now how we each reacted in our own ways. It could have driven us apart, and I’m so glad that we were able to come back together.

“You ready for s’mores?” Bradley asked.

“Oh yeah! I forgot about that!” I jumped up and went to the truck, returning with the bag of supplies.

We pulled our chairs closer to the fire and set up our roasting sticks with marshmallows. The crackle and pop of the fire was the only sound while we waited for them to heat up.

Once they were nearly on fire, we squished them between a half of graham cracker and half a chocolate bar. As we ate, the marshmallow dripped on our hands, and on the ground. It was a delightful mess, and we giggled as we tried to keep tidy.

Afterwards, Bradley scooted his chair as close as possible to mine, and put his arm on my leg. I take his open hand and lean over on his shoulder.

“I’m so glad that we met,” Bradley said.

I picked up my head to looked at him. I furrowed my brow with meaning and looked into his eyes. “Me too.”

“I’d be so lost without you, I don’t even know.”

I rested my head back on his shoulder, a warmth growing in my chest. “I would be too,” I replied.

“I figured I’d be alone out here forever when I realized I was gay. I never thought I’d get married or any of this, and now look at us.”

I squeezed his arm. “Yeah, look at us. I’m so glad that I moved back from the big city. This is where I was meant to be all along.”

“I agree. Those big cities don’t deserve you anyway.”

“Yeah, and they wouldn’t even know what to do with you.”

“Well now, what does that mean?”

Bradley had a smirk on his face when I looked up at him. “Exactly what you think it means.”

Laughing, Bradley replied, “Oh geez, why’d you have to go and ruin our little moment. You stinker.”

I lightly shoved him in reply, and he shoved me back, but harder. Soon, we were in a shove off, and up out of our chairs.

“You wouldn’t last five minutes in a big city and you know it,” I teased.

“I hate you!” he replied, laughing, and gave me another shove.

Instead of shoving back, I pulled him in and planted a kiss on his lips. Our mock fight melted into real love, and soon we were holding each other as tightly as we were shoving.

Bradley picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. We made out for a while like this. I put my hands on the back of Bradley’s head and slowly ran my fingers through his hair. His beard tickled my face, and he moaned into my mouth. I hadn’t felt so ravenous for him in a long time, and I gave myself over.

“You think we should take this to the tent?” he asked during a brief break of kissing.

“Yeah,” I answered quickly.

He carried me over to the tent and we crawled in one after the other. I grabbed the zipper and closed us in.